Tommy stutters comically
when he says a lotta things
Mommy does the shopping
Daddy's diggin through the laundry bins
he likes to try on Mommy's things
with his hair up in her bobby pins
The neighbors very neighborly
occasionally takin peaks at his niece
while she takes a pee
I heard the plumbers found a finger when
they fixed the basement leak

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothin wrong, Middle America
I love you

Old Mr. Wilkinson
killed a man,
drunk from the bar
hit him with the front of his car
drug him so far
there were nothin' but parts
for hundreds of yards
Those big damn power lines
will drive you out your mind
Edna sits in the shower sometimes
for hours and cries
whenever she forgets to tell
Howard goodbye

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothin wrong, Middle America
I love you

Spoken softly but
Mommy's body shook
dropped the coffee cup
I guess the coffee wasn't strong enough
Becca was a quiet girl
behind the wheel
with a mouthful of diet pills
a couple beers
and some stuff for your sinuses
Dancing in the fire
smashing all of the appliances
The psychiatrist said
"The Zoloft had some side effects..."

So pick up the phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothin wrong, Middle America
We love you

Pick up your phone
Fix up your lawn
Turn the TV on
There's nothing wrong, Miss America
We love you